The Awkward Dictionary

This is a collection of terms some of my friends and I gave to some awkward scenarios. This way, whenever they happen to any of us, we can easily explain exactly what we experienced. If anyone can think of names for other situations I didn’t mention, please let me know and we can add it to the dictionary.

Adams-dropping–(v) the opposite of “eves”-dropping; when you project your conversation louder than necessary so the people around you can hear. Usually happens when a guy’s making jokes around a cute girl and wants to reel her into the conversation.

Boomerang–(v) when you’re trying to end a conversation with someone and they just keep coming back; usually happens when you’re on the phone.
i.e. “I kept dropping hints that it was getting late, but he kept boomeranging and bringing the conversation back.”

Columbus–(v) when someone believes wrong information about you and keeps believing it even after you correct them
i.e. SALLY: You’re Jamaican, right?
MARIE: No. I’m Haitian. We’ve been through this before.
SALLY: Are you sure? I could’ve sworn you were Jamaican.
MARIE: I’m sure.

The Draw Out–(n) when someone draws something out of you that you don’t want to admit to others because its a) too personal, or b) not appropriate to the situation.
e.i. Mary, Andy and Ben are joking about how insanely hard the Calculus Exam was.
ANDY: I completely bombed that exam.
BEN: It should be illegal to make exams that hard. How’d you do, Mary?
MARY: I did alright, you’ll do better next time. How about those Lakers?
ANDY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. “Alright”? What’d you get?
MARY: …I got a 120.

Filler–(n) a laugh you give just to fill in an awkward silence. Usually happens when someone says something and you’re not sure if you’re supposed to laugh or if you have no idea what the joke is about, but you feel stupid asking for an explanation.
i.e. John walked past his professor in the library one day and the professor made a passing joke about yesterday’s exam. John didn’t get it, gave him a filler laugh and walked on.

Fishlining–(v) when you’re trying to physically leave a person and end the conversation in the process, but the person keeps reeling you back in with questions or side comments.
i.e. JAMES: I’ll see you tomorrow.
JOE: Yeah. So I’ll see you at the banquet?
JAMES: …What banquet?
JOE: The teacher appreciation banquet tomorrow night.
JAMES: Right, I forgot…I’ll see you there. Bye.
JOE: Are you bringing a gift?
JAMES: A gift?
JOE: Yeah, you’re supposed to bring a gift.
JAMES: …Yeah, I will. See ya tromorrow.
JOE: You think you’ll be able to find a good gift last minute?…

Flatlining–(v) whenever a conversation dies; most notably happens when someone brings up a topic no one else in the conversation can relate to. For example, if someone were to ask about the season finale of The Walking Dead, but no one else in the conversation watches the show.

Handcuff–(v) when you’re walking with someone and you say good-bye too soon and the two of you end up walking together in silence until you get to wherever it was you were actually going.
i.e. “I was walking with Alex out out of class and I thought he was going to the cafeteria so I said good-bye, but we got handcuffed and ended up walking to the library together.”

Houdini–(n) when someone pulls you into a conversation you never intended on having then vanishes; usually happens when being introduced to someone.
i.e. “Jack introduced me to his friend Roy then pulled a Houdini on me. I didn’t see him again until the end of the party.”

Lunar eclipse–(n) when someone tries to outshine the most interesting person in the conversation
i.e. HARRY: Have you ever operated on any celebrities?
DOCTOR: Yeah, but I’m not allowed to talk about all of them. But you know George Clooney?
JOHN: Yeah! I know somebody who knows him! My uncle’s barber is related to his daughter-in-law, I think. They have pictures and everything. It’s so cool.
DOCTOR: That’s great.

Mirage joke–(n) a joke that seems funny from a distance, but turns out to be dry when you actually start telling it.
i.e. Lucy got halfway through telling the joke when she realized it was a mirage joke. She told it anyway and the conversation flatlined.

Meteor shower–(n) when you’re about to make a clever joke and someone else beats you to it; named the meteor shower because the chances of the other person saying the exact phrase you were thinking is the same as getting hit by a meteor
i.e. KEVIN: It’s the first day of spring.
MARk: Yes. And that means–
RUTH: Aslan is on the move.

Platypus–(n) something that’s equally funny and sad at the same time so you don’t whether you should laugh or cry
i.e. My uncle always told me apples are good for you. I believed him until he choked on one and died.

Poker play–(n) when you break a social rule that everyone around you is aware of, but it’s too late to go back, so you now have a choice of either owning it and looking arrogant or apologizing and drawing more attention to yourself; referred to as a poker play because you have to decide if you’ll fold or if you’ll be all in
i.e. You go to the buffet line at a banquet then find out that your table wasn’t called yet, but you already have a full plate of food in your hands

Proud-mom–(v) when you’re trying to hide information about yourself, whether good or bad, and someone blurts it out
i.e. JOHN: Our worship leader cancelled last minute.
MAX: That sucks. I hope you find somebody.
HENRY: Why don’t you lead worship, Max?
MAX: I don’t think I can. I think I’m busy tonight.
JOHN: You lead worship?
HENRY: Yeah! Max has a whole worship album coming out!

Recyclable jokes–(n) jokes that can be re-used over and over again with different groups of friends. NOTE: not all jokes are recyclable.
i.e. Tina’s joke about buses with flat tires was hilarious at school so she recycled it and used it at work.

Solar eclipse–(n) when a non-interesting person gets outshone by a more interesting person
i.e. GARY: Did you do anything fun this summer?
CARL: Not really. I binge watched everything on Netflix.
GARY: How about you, Sarah?
SARAH: I went to New Zealand for a couple weeks while they were filming the Lord of the Rings.
GARY: No way! How was that?!

Superimposed frankness–(n) This happens when you are thrown in a situation where it is imposed on you to be genuinely happy to see someone you don’t really know or care about.
i.e. “I was introduced to a girl that referred to me as her little brother. I hardly knew her, but pretended to be buddy buddy with her.”

Tailgating–(v) when someone laughs at everything in the conversation, but is making no contribution to it whatsoever; tailgaters are often only discovered after you’ve been Houdinied
i.e. The three of us were having a great time telling embarrassing stories. But when Serena left, I realized Mark had been tailgating the whole time.

Towelless–(adj) a situation where you make a joke or reference you’re sure someone in the conversation will get, but no one gets it(similar to reaching out of the shower and discovering there are no towels)
MARY: This can’t happen again. From now on…
LAURA: Our eyes will not be blinded by the light.
MARY: What?
LAURA: The Greatest Showman?
MARY: I didn’t see it.
LAURA: Towelless.
MARY: There are no towels here.
LAURA: Never mind.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s